


all i ask

by rofawkes



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: ChanBaek - Freeform, Happy Ending, M/M, angsty, but - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:55:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24284728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rofawkes/pseuds/rofawkes
Summary: After a big fight, Chanyeol looses his voice and Baekhyun is left to pick up the pieces of what's left of them.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 25
Kudos: 163





	all i ask

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?!”

“Well, I’m sorry, maybe if we had planned this better—

“We’ve been planning this for _months_!”

“No. _You’ve_ been planning this. I haven’t got any say on the matter at all”

“I asked if you were free those days. You said you’ll be”

“No, I said I didn’t know and that I was going to ask if I could take them. You were going around making plans on your own fucking assumptions”

Baekhyun was beyond mad right now. This holiday was going to be their first in almost two years or so, he had done everything on his power to make it possible, and he was not going to cancel it because his boyfriend had just decided to be an ass about it and act as if they hadn’t already planned it.

“I already asked for this week at work. I can't just go and change it”

“Oh, so you can’t make changes on your work schedule but I can?”

“I asked you!”

“NO, YOU FUCKING DIDN’T BAEK” 

Chanyeol yelled at him.

Chanyeol never yells at him. Sure, they have fought in the past and even had more heated arguments, but Chanyeol never rises his voice at him like that.

“Don’t you fucking yell at me. I was doing this for us!”

“YOU WERE JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU” Chanyeol paused for a bit, rubbing his temple. “This just isn’t working anymore, I’m so fucking done”

“Yeah well, no shit. Perfect holiday we’ve got in door” he replied sarcastically.

“No, Baek. Us. We aren’t working anymore” Baekhyun head shot up to look at him. “Maybe… maybe we’ve been together too long”

He blinked a couple times. “What…. What do you mean?”

However, the taller man didn’t answer, he just kept looking right at him in anger, then he turned around, grabbed his coat from the hanger and walked out, slamming the door hard on is way. Baekhyun just stood there, in the middle of the living room fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes.

\--

Baekhyun frowned at the loud sound coming from behind him, waking him up from his awful dream where he and Chanyeol were fighting and almost breaking up.

“Chanyeol, turn off that thing” he mumbled to his pillow. 

But then realization hit him.

It had not been a dream.

He blinked a couple times in the dark, looking to his nightstand table where the digital clock marked 3:47 in bright red lights. He palmed the bed behind him. Chanyeol was not there. Maybe he slept on the couch… maybe he didn’t came back at all. Baekhyun's frown deepened, a small pout forming in his mouth.

Then he heard the ringing again, coming from his phone.

“Hello?” 

“Hello, is this Mr. Byun Baekhyun?”

“Yes, who is this?”

“I’m calling from St. Lauren’s General Hospital to inform you that Mister Park Chanyeol has been on an accident, he’s being translated to surgery right now”

\--

Baekhyun has been in the waiting room of the hospital for hours now. He doesn’t even know how long, but the sun was already up and his eyes were red and burning. Chanyeol had been assaulted when we was walking back home in the middle of the night, mind you, and in a haze or fear or anger, his aggressor had tried to stab him. Luckily the dumb bastard was did not actually got the blade deep, but managed to scratch right at Chanyeol’s neck and if it wasn’t for and old man walking by and witnessing everything, he might have died from bleeding out in the middle of the street.

He quickly went under surgery to treat the cut on his neck, but that was hours ago and Baekhyun just could not breathe properly until he knew that Chanyeol was well and alive. 

He was drinking his fourth cup of coffee when he heard footsteps approaching him and he rose up from his chair, facing the doctor in front of him.

“Mr. Byun…”

“How is he?”

“He is stable now” he sighed in relief. “But… I’m afraid that there has been some complications”

“C-complications?”

“The blade did not manage to pierce to the carotid, thankfully, or it would’ve been fatal, but it did scratch the cricothyroid muscle and the trauma had some repercussions on the nerve”

“I-I don’t think I’m following…”

\--

Vocal cord paralysis. 

That’s what they said.

Chanyeol couldn’t speak.

The doctor said they were unable to figure how long it could take, probably months, until Chanyeol could speak again. He would need therapy, maybe even another surgery and there was still the possibility that the damage might be permanent. But Baekhyun didn’t care. He was just glad he was alive and well—as well as can be. 

He walked beside the doctor to where Chanyeol was resting, now that he was able to see him. As he walked towards, he could see through the door the figure of the tall man sitting on the bed, a blank expression and staring straight ahead. Baekhyun couldn’t wait a second longer and sprinted inside the room, almost jumping on to the other man as he rounded his torso with his arms and rested his forehead on his shoulder.

“Oh my god, I was so scared,” he cried, tears wetting the blue hospital robe on his boyfriend’s shoulders. “I was so scared, Chanyeol, what were you thinking?”

He felt the other boy move, his chest heaving and he looked up; he was trying to talk.

“No, don’t” he cupped his face in his hands. “You’re going to hurt yourself”.

He kissed him on the lips, just a tender quick kiss. But when he moved back Chanyeol wasn’t looking at him, he was still looking straight ahead. There was not anger in his expression, nor sadness or even fear. He was just blank, unresponsive to Baekhyun's crying presence.

The smaller boy’s heart broke a little, if he was honest. But still he moved one hand up, brushing Chanyeol’s hair from his forehead and pressing a kiss to his temple.

“It’s okay. You’re okay” he mumbled against his cold skin.

\--

A week and a half Chanyeol was finally discharged from the clinic. After a couple revisions and explaining the cares he needed to both him and Baekhyun he was allowed to go home. Baekhyun did took the week off he that he planned to use for their holiday, and, after a couple days of thinking, he called his Law Firm to ask for another two weeks more so he could take care of Chanyeol and keep him company.

He was beyond ecstatic to have his boyfriend back home with him. He had been coming to the hospital every single day and spent most of the time there with him, but it was not the same and if he was honest, he missed him.

Sadly, it looked like it was quite the opposite for Chanyeol. He had been majorly ignoring Baekhyun for most of the time. Obviously it was the factor that he couldn’t speak, but he also kept avoiding his gaze, and even though Baekhyun had brought him a small notebook and some pens to communicate with him, Chanyeol kept responding to whatever he asked by just nodding or shaking his head.

Baekhyun tried to shake it off, thinking it was a normal behavior from losing his voice. He had to accept that if it was not easy for him, it would be ten times worse on Chanyeol himself. It was a big change in Chanyeol’s life. He had always been proud of his deep sexy voice. He loved music and singing and he worked as a freaking radio host, so it was just normal that it had shook his life greatly. 

Still, Baekhyun’s mind kept going to the last conversation they had.

The things Chanyeol said to him and Baekhyun's heart breaks at the thought that Chanyeol acted like that towards him because he probably didn’t want to be with him anymore, but had no other option now that he'd lost his voice and had to adapt to a different lifestyle. Maybe he even blamed Baekhyun for the accident. After all, it was him who started the fight… it was his fault that Chanyeol had stormed off.

“You know… the apartment it’s quite lonely without you” he started, trying to make small talk as he drove them back home. “I’ve been so bored when I’m not at the hospital with you, so I rearranged some of the furniture, just to pass time” he chuckled nervously. “I also bought plants. Cacti, mostly. You know I’m shit of keeping something alive” _Like this relationship_ , he thought.

He took a quick glance at Chanyeol, who had his forehead resting against the window, his eyes closed but he was not sleeping, just completely ignoring what Baekhyun was saying. He averted his eyes back to the road, sighing in frustration.

“This probably is going to be different for us, you know. I mean, I know. But it’s just a small bump isn’t it? Like when I broke my femur four years ago and you had to wheelchair me everywhere, remember? Not that—I don’t—It’s not as if I have to do that to you, or carry you or something. I’m aware you’re fully capable. It’s just… we’re going through this together, right? Besides, you’ve always kind of have been the quiet one. I’m the one that never had any filter, right?” he glanced at Chanyeol again, a nervous smile on his face.

The other boy didn’t bother to spar him a glance.

“Maybe _I_ should’ve gone mute” he muttered to himself.

When they got to the apartment, Chanyeol didn’t even looked at him as he went straight to their bedroom and locked himself in.

\--

A month later and no progress had been made in neither Chanyeol’s speaking or their relationship.

He hadn’t left Baekhyun, which the elder thought it was a good sign, _maybe_. But still he kept the eyes-locking to a minimum and he ignored him when he tried to talk to him.

His doctor had recommended learning sign language, so communication outside of them could be easier. They agreed to go, but after the class, Chanyeol came back home in an awful mood and Baekhyun just stared sadly at him as he slammed shut their bedroom door and locked it.

“Chanyeol…” he knocked quietly on the door a couple hours later. “Dinner’s ready. I made bulgogi… it’s your favorite…” Baekhyun tried. He rested his head on the door.

“Please, eat with me?” 

He got no response.

Sighing sadly again, he went to the table. The two plates of food served already, but when he sat in front of his food, he had already lost his appetite. 

He was just moved the meat around in his plate, when the chair in front of him was pulled back and saw his boyfriend’s figure sitting down. He smiled brightly at him.

As expected, Chanyeol didn’t smile back. He just kept looked at Baekhyun with an expression he could not quite understand. He looked at his plate, back at Baekhyun and then his eyes caught the sight of a small board and a marker next to his plate. He looked at Baekhyun again.

“It was for you… if you wanted to talk or something” he explained. Chanyeol pushed the small book aside and started eating.

“Or we could just eat in silence too”.

\--

Baekhyun came back home late with a box in his arms. When he opened the door of their apartment, Chanyeol was sleeping on the couch. The TV wasn’t on and there wasn’t any book nearby, as the tall boy usually liked to sit there and read. Baekhyun could almost pretend that it was as if Chanyeol had fallen asleep right there, waiting for him to come home.

Baekhyun put the box on the coffee table and kneeled in front of Chanyeol. His stomach fluttered at the sight of his boyfriend sleeping peacefully, his long lashes shut against the high of his cheek, his chest moving quietly up and down, his pouty lips slightly opened. He just looked so beautiful, so peaceful. Baekhyun had always loved how calm sleepy Chanyeol looked. His eyes traveled to his neck, where a small scar was, reminding him of what happened. 

He pressed a kiss to his boyfriend forehead and caressed the side of his face with the tips of his fingers.

“Chanyeol… it’s late… let’s go to bed”

Chanyeol’s eyes slowly opened, blinking once, twice, before the opened completely and his gaze rested on Baekhyun’s face just a couple of centimeters away from him. Baekhyun blushed and moved back.

“I’m sorry to wake you. But you should go to bed, it’ll be more comfortable”

Chanyeol nodded, rubbing his eyes when he looked at the box on the table. He frowned. He got closer to it and examined its content. 

When he looked back at Baekhyun his eyes were full of anger.

“They called me from the station to pick it up. They’re the things that you left back at the studio”

The taller pushed the box away, making it fall and its contents scatter around the floor.

“They wanted me to sign your resignation letter for you. I told them you’ll go later”

Chanyeol looked so angry. More than that. He looked so betrayed that Baekhyun almost felt guilty.

“I’m sorry… I know you love your job, but it has been two months. They already found another host”

The taller heard no more of that, walking straight to their bedroom, slamming the door again. Only this time he did not lock it.

Baekhyun picked up the things that had fallen from the box, carefully picking up a photograph of the two of them that Chanyeol had kept on the studio. Its light was over exposed, making their faces look way too white, but they both had the biggest smiles on their faces, the one that makes it look as if their eyes were closed. Baekhyun could see a part of his arm holding the camera, as he had taken it, almost three years ago, when they went on a picnic date. The sun had been so strong that day that they couldn’t stand being on the outside longer than 10 minutes, and they decided to resume their date, just after taking the picture, on the back of Chanyeol’s car, listening to music and laughing at their failed plans, but happy nevertheless. 

Baekhyun carefully picked the pieces of the crystal that had broken from the frame, trying to not letting it sting. It almost seemed like an ironic metaphor to their relationship. 

He thought maybe he had to give Chanyeol what he wanted and just break things off, for good. However, he was too in love. Too painfully in love. He just couldn’t be the one to walk away first.

He was so pathetic and had little to none dignity, that he was willing to stay with Chanyeol even if the boy only was with him because he needing someone to help him through this. Baekhyun loved him so much and still was stupidly willingly to take whatever was left for him.

After settling everything, he walked to their room. Taking his clothes as quietly as possible because Chanyeol had fallen asleep already and he didn’t want to wake him up.

He got under the covers and just the he noticed: Chanyeol was shaking. 

No, he was crying. 

A lump formed in Baekhyun’s throat. He scooted closer to his boyfriend and slowly, as if testing the waters, he circled and arm around him, pressing a comforting kiss to his nape. 

Chanyeol didn’t push him away, and Baekhyun was glad, he didn’t think he could take it. And waited until Chanyeol stopped shaking, finally falling asleep, so he could fall asleep too.

\--

They were at the grocery store, looking for ingredients to make dinner and just their daily supplies. It was almost as if they were normal again. Baekhyun pushing the car through the aisle as Chanyeol walked beside him putting different things on it. 

He felt his leg buzzing with an incoming text from his cellphone. Taking it out, he manage to catch Chanyeol signing what he understood like ‘ _I, look, milk’._ He really needed to practice with him more. He hadn’t been able to assist with Chanyeol to the last three classes due to his job and it killed him to feel as if he was missing his opportunity to finally communicate with the other boy.

He drew his attention to his cellphone.

 **From: Jongda** e 

Where are you, pretty boys (;

9:53

**To: Jongdae**

Grocery shopping, why?

9:54

The response was almost instantly.

**From: Jongdae**

Just asking, I miss my babies 

So… when’d you reckon you’ll be back home (;

9:54

**To: Jongdae**

Idk, in about 20 mins maybe

Whats it with the winking??? It’s freaking me out

9:55

**From: Jongdae**

Alright (;

Just feeling friendly, don’t sweat it (;(;(;(;

Baekhyun frowned. He knew the other well enough to know it wasn’t just “feeling friendly”, but Chanyeol was coming back, so he decided to listen to Jongdae and let it slide, keeping his attention on the boy in front of him, putting cartons of milk on the car. He smiled at him

He shouldn’t have let it slide and he regretted his decision as he opened the door of his home, both he and Chanyeol carrying the shopping bags, to find a group of people in his living room, balloons scattered around the floor and a cake on the coffee table.

“SURPRISE” everyone shouted and Baekhyun’s eyes widened, trying to look at Chanyeol from his peripheral vision as he felt the boy go still beside him.

“What is this?” he asked Jongdae, who was walking to them in that moment.

“Well, we never celebrated Chanyeol’s recovery from the hospital. We came here to greet you both and celebrate that he is well and _alive_ ” he turned to Chanyeol and placed a hand on the taller’s shoulder. “How’s it going, buddy? I’m glad you’re not dead” 

Jongdae was smiling, but Chanyeol was completely still, his eyes huge as plates.

“What’s it? You’re all red!”

Baekhyun could only watch as everyone started to come closer.

“Yah, what’s gotten into you? Cat ate your tongue or what?” he laughed and Baekhyun winced at the expression.

He heard he bags dropped on to the floor and only saw the back of Chanyeol’s head as he hurried to their room.

\--

Later that night, Baekhyun lay beside Chanyeol on their bed, the latter with his back turned from him.

He had explained everything to Jongdae, who had no idea of Chanyeol’s mute condition, as Baekhyun hadn’t told anyone and, apparently, Chanyeol hadn’t either.

After explaining and a round of worried gasps that Baekhyun prayed that Chanyeol hadn’t heard, he politely asked everyone to leave, fearing that all the commotion had put too much pressure (or shame) on the tall boy.

He turned the bedside lamp off turned to his boyfriend, staring at his back.

“I’m sorry, I swear I didn’t know….” He offered, but Chanyeol made no move. “I didn’t told anyone because I wasn’t sure if you’d want me to. I never expected them to do this”

After a while of silence, Baekhyun concluded that he was not going to have an answer tonight (maybe nor even later) so he just closed his eyes.

\--

“I just don’t know what to do, guys,” he said, resting his head on the bar counter. “He doesn’t love me anymore, I know”

Kyungsoo soothed a hand through his back. “He just needs time, Baekhyun. This is hard for both of you, but it’s harder from him”

“I knoooooow” he whined. He’s had a bit too much to drink and his tongue felt light on his mouth. “I’ve tried everything. I’ve helped him after the surgery, I go with him to sign language lessons, I give him the neck massages the doctor asked. I haven’t pressured him into anything. And it’s been four months and still I have to practically beg him to look me in the eye”.

“That doesn’t means he doesn’t love you” Sehun shrugged. “Maybe he just doesn’t know how to say it”

“Last class I asked the teacher how to sign ‘I love you’ right in front of him, just so it couldn’t be an excuse. The teacher showed us and I signed _to him_ , and you know what he did? You wanna know what he. fucking. did? He just looked at her and nodded! Didn’t even look at me once. That hurt like hell”

“Well, you know Chanyeol… he is a really cheesy guy” Kyungsoo started again.

“Yeah, maybe he’s just waiting so he can speak and say it out loud” Sehun offered.

“He knows there’s a possibility that he might not do it again” Baekhyun closed his eyes, not wanted to think about the possibility. “I think he wanted to break up with me… before the accident”

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow at this. Baekhyun was ashamed. “And why do you think that?”

“He said… he said we’ve been together too long and that he was done” he closed his eyes. The first tear spilled on the table under where he rested his head again. “Then the stormed off and that’s when the accident happened”

“Well, six years is too long” Sehun said, nodding to himself and Kyungsoo smacked him on the arm, shooting him death glares. “Auch!”

“How’s that of any help?” Kyungsoo reprimanded.

“You didn’t even let me finish!” he retorted glaring at the other, but Baekhyun’s sobs on the table made him regain is focus, continuing with a slight grimace. “What I meant is, six years is a really long time. But Chanyeol is my best friend and I can assure you that he loves you a lot, I’ve heard him rant for hours about the many plans that he has with you and if he said that, he was probably stressed or too angry or some shit. He didn’t mean it, Baek.”

“I-I just love him so much” he said. He moved his crying position from the table to Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “And it hurts so much t-to see him like this. And it hurts even more that he seems so disgusted with me”

“Baek… Sehun’s an ass, but he is right. If Chanyeol has not brought it up again maybe it was because it was a spur of the moment. His behavior right now could be because he is depressed”

“I don’t want him to be depressed,” he cried harder into Kyungsoo’s neck, wetting his friend skin and shirt. “I just want him to be him again”

His friends did not know what to said, the just kept comforting him and sharing worried glances with each other.

\--

A couple hours later, they had to leave, as Kyungsoo was supossed to drive Sehun back to his home and he had to get up early tomorrow morning for work. After a lot of convincing –and pleading—they agreed to leave Baekhyun at the bar of couple of hours more. Claiming he had to sulk a bit more before going home. He needed this to relief some weight off his back.

He was no crying anymore, just kept drowning drink after drink with a bitter expression.

“Hello” he heard a male voice next to him. He turned around to look at a man, a very handsome man, with pretty eyes and dark hair, looking at him with worried. “Are you okay?”

“No” he answered shortly, and then he squinted his eyes. “Do I know you from somewhere?”

The man chuckled. “We work at the same Law Firm. I started about a month ago” he extended his hand. “I’m Minseok”

“Baekhyun” he greeted, with a messy shake.

“Can I ask what’s wrong?”

“My boyfriend doesn’t love me but I still think he’s the light of my life,” he answered, with a pout, tears threatened to come out again.

“Oh, that sucks… sorry” Minseok offered, sitting beside him. “Can I buy you a drink to it?”

Baekhyun nodded and the older boy ordered two drinks, one for him and one for himself. 

When the drinks were placed in front of him, Baekhyun took a long gulp of his own. It tasted like shit and it burned his throat, but he figured he was already hurting enough, so he didn’t care. He was never good at handling alcohol and he was already drunk before Minseok came, so it took no time before Baekhyun started ranting to him about his boyfriend, about the accident, his feelings and the sink in the kitchen that needed fixing. Minseok nodded politely and heard what he had to said, even offered his own thoughts in the dilemma.

“Is he always that moody or is just after the accident?” he asked after a while.

“He wasn’t always like that, but he had already started with his bad temper a couple months before the accident,” he answered. “I thought it was because I was always canceling dates or coming home late from work. So I planned that stupid holiday”

Minseok nodded again. “Seems like there was something before that that kept bothering him”

“Probably me”

“Oh, don’t say that. All couples have their ups and downs” Baekhyun nodded, hen hiccupped. Minseok chuckled at it. “I think you’re already had too much to drink, let me drive you home, please”

“I brought my own car” he said, taking his keys from his pocket, but they fell to the ground. He stumbled trying to get them back, but thankfully, Minseok got them from him.

“Oh please, as if you’re in any condition to drive” he smirked at him. “Tell you what, let me drive you home, in your car, and I just call for an Uber to get back here and get my own”

“That would be… very nice of you” 

“I’m a nice person” he smiled.

His smile was really pretty.

Chanyeol’s was prettier, though. Always so white and bright. And big, as if he had more teeth than a normal smile.

They got to his car quickly and Baekhyun slumped on the passenger seat, messily fumbling with the seatbelt before putting in on and Minseok started the car. The drive back was quiet; except for the quiet mumble of directions Baekhyun gave him every couple of minutes. Once they got to the building, Minseok helped him out and walked him to the entrance, making sure he got there safe. 

“Thank you so much for this, you don’t really kn— _hip_ \--know me and you went through all this trouble” he slumped against the door of his building, barely able to hold himself up.

“It’s okay. I figure it was an odd way to meet an admired co-worker, but I’m happy to do it. We should get to know each other better, Baekhyun” he offered.

“Wait…” Baekhyun eyes widened. “Are you hitting on me?”

Minseok chuckle again. “Well, I can’t say it wasn’t my intention when I sat next to you at the bar. But I don’t think you...”

Baekhyun breath hitched. Then he stepped closer and closer and closer to Minseok until his lips were just millimeters away, he heard the other man take a deep breath and he closed his eyes.

But he didn’t do it. 

He dropped his head on Minseok’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m not—You’re not—

“I’m not Park Chanyeol” he said and Baekhyun nodded his head, drawing back shamefully. “Look, it’s okay” he raised the other man’s chin with his finger. “I did try to hit on you at first, but then I saw you were just a friend in need. I can see how in love you are with him and I respect that. I get it, really. But you’re nice and quite funny, so I meant when I say I want to get to know you—just as a friend”

Baekhyun smiled. “Thank you. I’d like that”

They said their goodbyes and Minseok have Baekhyun back his keys. He took the elevator to his floor and got to his apartment. Having his walk of shame, he entered home to find a very awake Park Chanyeol on the couch, looking straight at him.

“What are –hip—you doing up?” he asked frowning. Chanyeol frowned back and walked up to him, inspecting him.

Then he moved his hands.

_‘You have been drinking’_

“Well, yes –hip—nice you noticed. Didn’t think you would”

He moved his hands again, but Baekhyun was too drunk to pay attention and the only think he could understand was the sign for ‘late’.

“I almost cheated on you today” he confessed, just to see Chanyeol’s reaction. 

The other man’s hands stopped moving, frozen in place. He looked at him with wide eyes. Baekhyun thought he _almost_ looked hurt.

“I could have, you know?—hip—He was there and he was so nice and so hand—hip—some” he started. “And you wouldn’t know because you don’t talk to me—well you can’t talk. But you don’t even _move your hands_ at me. Or send me a fucking text or something.” He stumbled closer to Chanyeol. “You don’t even love me. And I didn’t cheat on you because, guess what? –hip—I love you more than anything.” 

He could feel himself starting to cry again. He rested his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder, but the other still didn’t move. The tears came back.

“I love you s-so fucking much –hip—I’m willing to accept all your fucking indifference as if I was a fucking pigeon and you were throwing me bread crumbs”

Chanyeol finally moved, pushing Baekhyun off his shoulder and then grabbed his hand dragged him to their room. His lips were pressing in a thin like and his brows were furrowed when he turned around to look at Baekhyun. He raised Baekhyun’s arms and took off his shirt, throwing it on the floor, then he started unbuttoning his pants and let them drop around his ankles. He walked over to the closet and when he returned to Baekhyun he helped him put on a new shirt. It was too big, falling onto his thighs – it was Chanyeol’s, Baekyhun noted.

“Look at you” he giggled. “Mute and angry and out of love and still helping my drunk ass”

Chanyeol dragged him to the bed, setting him under the covers. He walked around the bed, to his side and got under the covers too. Baekhyun turned on his side, to find Chanyeol staring at him, brows no longer furrowed, but with an expression on his eyes that he was too drunk or too dumb to understand. He took one of his hands from under the blanket and dragged one slender finger over the bridge of Chanyeol’s nose.

“I wish you weren’t so perfect,” he mumbled after a while of staring at each other. “It would be easier to stop loving you too”

He fell asleep.

-

It wasn’t long ‘till he was woken up by a hissing sound him. He was already a light sleeper, so it bothered him that the sound was getting louder and louder. He frowned in his sleep, trying to ignore it, but the sound was persistent.

“Ssss…”

He couldn’t quite place it, but maybe it was a cat and Baekhyun started worrying that it may come inside the house and wake Chanyeol. He was allergic to cats.

“Ssss…”

He was about to open his eyes and stand up to shoo away the annoying animal when the hissing turned in to heavy coughs and he recognized the sound coming from his side.

He sat up and turned around to find Chanyeol crouched on the bed, coughing a horrible noise.

“Chanyeol, what’s happening?! Did the cat got in?” he asked, blinking away his sleep and drunkenness and put a hand on the taller man’s back and used his other hand to brush away the hair from his forehead.

That is when he noticed it.

Blood. On the sheets.

On Chanyeol’s hand where he kept coughing.

“Oh my god, what tHE FUCK” he screeched, trying to help his boyfriend. He took the glass of water (that Chanyeol brought for him) from his bedside table and handed it to the man next to him, who kept coughing blood. More red liquid appeared as the seconds passed and Chanyeol was holding his throat with a hand and looked as if he couldn’t breathe.

“Try to drink this, babe, I’m calling the ambulance” he was still a bit drunk to drive. “Please, don’t freak, inhale, exhale” he said, looking frantically for his cellphone, until he finally found it on his jeans on the floor.

Just as he finished the call, Chanyeol passed out.

-

After Chanyeol stopped coughing blood and breathing fine, the doctor walked out of the hospital room to talk to Baekhyun. She had a very serious expression on her face and it made Baekhyun even more worried.

“Mr. Byun” she started and Baekhyun heart clenched. “We’ve stabilized Mr. Park, but he might need to stay here a few days. He had a very serious problem right there; his windpipe and breathing holes kept closing in. It could’ve been fatal”

He gasped.

“W-Why did it happen?” he asked with a small, scared voice.

“Mr. Byun, has Mr. Park been trying to speak lately?” he shook his head. “Has he been making extreme forces or choking when he eats?”

Baekhyun tried to recall any of this happening in their time together, but he was sure none of it was happening. Chanyeol had not been trying to talk since they told him it could cause severe and permanent damage to his vocal chords and he decided to step out of the gym for a while as the doctor had advised him. Baekhyun wasn’t necessarily with him every time he ate, but he was sure he never had a complication with it before.

“No, he’s been taking care of himself a lot. He is really determinate to get his voice back” 

“But… he is aware that it might not happen, right?”

Baekhyun frowned. “Yes, but it doesn’t mean he should just give up”

“Indeed, but accepting defeat in this cases might lead to… depression. Which could be very grave for a patient with such a delicate condition”

“Are you trying to tell me he might have been trying to kill himself?” Baekhyun asked, the last part came as a whisper, almost as if he’d been trying to avoid saying it.

“It might not be the case, Mr. Byun, but if you said he hasn’t had any other complications before nor he’s been trying to talk… it could be a possibility”

“He has been going to therapy. He’s taking his meds” 

“Maybe it was just an accident after an episode of desperation… What is important here is that this does not happen again. It could really have fatal consequences, the permanent loss of his voice or in the less severe turn out, he might need to go under surgery”

Baekhyun could only nod, wiping the tears from his face with his jacket sleeve.

-

He felt a change after that night.

He could not quite place what it was, but it definitely felt different in the air around them. Chanyeol no longer locked himself in their bedroom. Yes, he still passed a lot of his time there, but at least now, he kept the bedroom door open. He asked Baekhyun, in sign language, of his day and even stood there to listen, even if he did not really talked back or showed much emotion, but it was a progress that Baekhyun appreciated very much.

Like right now, it was a lazy day for both of them since Baekhyun didn’t work on Saturdays and Chanyeol didn’t have to go to his new studio. He now worked as a composer for commercial tunes and was actually doing pretty good, it, it made the older really happy to see him moving on. Baekhyun was in the kitchen, looking through the contents on the refrigerator and cupboards, wondering what to make for dinner. He decided he might as well would just ask his boyfriend if he was up to order take-out.

Instead, his breath was knocked-out of him when he stood on the doorframe and he looked at his boyfriend, shirtless, sitting on the edge of the bed with his guitar on his lap strumming a few cords.

He was working on a nice, chirpier melody and Baekhyun couldn’t help but smile that it was something that sounded so much like Chanyeol.

Apparently, it wasn’t as good for Chanyeol, as he stopped abruptly and exhaled in frustration.

“Hey, that sounded good” he said, making his presence known. Chanyeol looked up at him. Baekhyun sat in the bed and placed his hands on his lap in order to avoid him noticing how his pants had gone a little tighter on his crotch.

If he was honest, the sight of his hot, shirtless boyfriend with a guitar was something that was never going to stop doing things to his body. It was a sight that always made Baekhyun’s breath hitch, no matter how many times he’d witness it.

“It was so like you,” he said with a smile. “What is it for?”

Chanyeol looked at him with wide eyes for a second, a little bit suspicious and then he moved on single hand.

_Personal project._

“Oh” Baekhyun said. “Guess I’ll leave you to it” he said, a little bit defeated and rose up from the bed, but Chanyeol took him by the wrist, set his guitar aside and then pulled him onto his lap.

“I-Is everything okay?” he asked nervously. Chanyeol only smirked; he lowered his gaze to Baekhyun’s lap and looked back up. _Oh_. 

He noticed.

“You can’t expect me to come into our bedroom and find you shirtless with a guitar and be completely unresponsive about it” he said with a pout and a blush on his cheek bones. The taller man chuckled and lowered his face to fit it on the crook of his neck. He felt his face go even redder. 

Chanyeol let go of his wrist and put it on the small of his back, while the other hand started stroking his thigh. Baekhyun gasped when he felt a light brush of his lips on his neck.

Baekhyun’s head was going to explode. All these months he had been craving so much for Chanyeol’s touch, but now, sitting on his lap with a very evident hard on, he didn’t want to feel as if he pressured his boyfriend into intimacy because he confessed he almost cheated on him and then appeared in front of him with a boner.

He didn’t wanted to make Chanyeol feel as if he owned him something.

So when the hand that was caressing his thigh started inching higher, he grabbed his wrists and stood up. 

“I was just going to tell you I’m going to order take-out” he said, face red and not looking directly at him. “Is fried chicken okay?”

After a couple seconds of quiet, Baekhyun mentally slapped himself at realizing that he had to look at Chanyeol to know his answer. So, embarrassed and flushed, he looked at him.

The other nodded slowly, with an expression Baekhyun wasn’t familiarized with. It kinda looked sad, but also confused. It made him felt a twist of guilt in his stomach and he didn’t even know why.

He nodded back quickly and made a move to walk out the door when Chanyeol took his wrist again, tugging a bit on it, not enough to pull him back but enough to make a point across.

“Yes, extra sauce on the side, I know” Baekhyun said without even looking back and walked out to fetch his phone.

-

It was around noon and he was coming home from running some early morning errands when he found Chanyeol on their living room, jacket and shoes already on. The man rose up as Baekhyun entered their apartment.

“Wow, what's up? Are you going somewhere?” he asked with genuine curiosity.

_Do you want to go for a walk?_

“A walk? Right now?” he asked, smiling at his boyfriend who looked quite enthusiastic for the idea. The other one just nodded quickly. Baekhyun dropped the bags he was carrying onto the coffee table “Okay, let’s go”

 _Car keys_.

“Why do we need the car if we’re going for a walk?” he arched an eyebrow.

_I will drive us to where we are going to walk._

“Can I know where we’re going?” 

_It’s a secret._

Baekhyun couldn’t help but smile. “Okay, Mr. Suspicious. Lead the way”

They got on the car together and Chanyeol started driving. Baekhyun didn’t know where they were going, but he was beyond excited. He didn’t even care where this mysterious place was, the fact that Chanyeol had invited him was enough for him to be on cloud nine. He didn’t even want to speak in case he spoiled it, so he kept quiet and stared out the window as they listened to some top 40’s songs.

When they arrived to their destination Baekhyun only took a few seconds to recognize the place; it was the park where they had that picnic day years ago. He wasn’t sure if Chanyeol remembered that or if it was only a coincidence. They had barely been ten minutes there that time, the warm weather being too much for both of them, but Baekhyun remembered the place very fondly. 

Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol, trying really hard to hide his smile.

_Let’s go._

Chanyeol offered him his hand and Baekhyun gladly took it. They walked like that along the lake right next to the park, enjoying their surroundings and the nice autumn wind. Baekhyun’s hand started to sweat and he was pretty sure Chanyeol’s was too. He felt like they were teenagers again on their first date. Everything was awkward, but Baekhyun was happy and excited and loving every second of it. Chanyeol bought them both ice cream cones and listened attentive to Baekhyun's story of how he almost ran an old lady at the supermarket this morning. He laughed and Baekhyun felt butterflies seeing Chanyeol laughing at something he said as they walked hand in hand, eating sweets. It felt like everything was okey, _normal even,_ and it scared Baekhyun how easily he was cautivated by anything that Chanyeol did or say or _signed,_ because he still wasn't sure where this relationship was standing. 

They decided to sit on a bench and admire the sunset.

Baekhyun was enjoying the company he longed for so long, holding his hand and staring at the orange and pinks of the sky, feeling his boyfriend's warmth next to him. He turned to look at Chanyeol and found out he was already looking at him. He smiled nervously.

Then he felt a presence in front of them.

Baekhyun turned his attention to find a little girl, no more than 6 years old, staring at them. She had a pretty pink dress and a plastic tiara on top of her tousled hair.

“Hello there” he offered 

“Are you a prince?” her gaze was strongly fixated on Chanyeol, who only shook his head _no._ She frowned. “But you’re handsome, like a prince!”

Baekhyun chuckled. “He is a prince. He’s just too shy to admit it”

The girl’s eyes got bigger. She looked at their intertwined hands and frowned, as if there was something she didn’t understand. “Are you a princess then?”

He blinked a couple times, offended. Chanyeol laughed next to him, squeezing his hand tighter. “No. I’m a prince too”

“But princes don’t hold hand with other princes!”

“Well, some of us do” Baekhyun said as a matter of fact. The girl’s eyebrows rose to her forehead, amazed.

“I am a princess” she said, pointing to the tiara on her head. “I want a prince handsome like him too”

Baekhyun smiled. “Yeah, well” he cleared his throat, picking a loose strand on his jeans. “This one’s mine”

Chanyeol laughed harder at his boyfriend’s jealousy over a child. The girl furrowed her brows but her annoyance was quickly forgotten when she heard her mother calling for her and ran towards her.

“Why are you laughing, anyway?” Baekhyun pouted. “Kids these days are so advanced. They have no shame”

Chanyeol almost fell of the bench laughing.

-

It had been a pretty good day, despite the annoying kid that try to steal Chanyeol. Baekhyun found himself smiling all the drive back home, unable to stop the happiness that he felt in that moment. However, as they approached the building a anxious feeling started to creep on him and and an uneasy thought crept into his head.

What if Chanyeol was doing this because he was going to break up with him? Was this a goodbye? A last day before the end?

After all, Baekhyun confessed he was still pretty much in love with him, maybe he was trying to find a nice way to let him down.

Baekhyun swallowed with difficulty as they exited the car. He could tell that Chanyeol noticed the change in him, cause he kept glancing at him, but Baekhyun kept his gaze on the ground, trying to prolong the inevitable.

As they entered the apartment, Baekhyun closed the door behind him and falling against it. The taller was now standing in front of him with a worried expression, but he still couldn’t meet his eyes. 

His chest ached as he opened his mouth to speak.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

He finally tore his gaze from the ground, seeing as he could never know the answer if he didn’t look at the other boy in front of him. Chanyeol just looked confused.

“I know you wanted to break up with me that night… the night of the fight” he was trying really hard not to cry. “Then _that_ happened and you couldn’t even look me in the eye. So, all I ask is for you to be honest with me now”

Chanyeol was baffled. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t say anything. He just kept looking at Baekhyun with eyes that screamed worry. His hands kept twitching, as if he was trying to sign something, but there were too many thoughts in his head. 

He let his arms fall to his sides in defeat and hurried to their bedroom.

Baekhyun let himself fall to the floor, bringing his knees to his chest and hugged them. It hurt. It hurt so much even if it was something he had already expecting.

Then Chanyeol came back with the small board and a marker and stood in front of Baekhyun.

_No, I don’t want to break up._

The board was to small to fit a longer expresion, so Chanyeol wiped it clean with his sleeve and _wrote again._

_I’m sorry._

_I was ashamed of what_

_I said_

_I’m sorry_

_I love you_

He kept writing on the board, showing it to Baekhyun for a couple seconds, before frantically wiping it and writing again. As if he was afraid that Baekhyun was going to just get up and leave.

_I didn’t know how to tell you_

_that I didn’t_

_mean it_

_I’m sorry, I love you_

Chanyeol was crying, as he furiously wiped the board, desperate to make him understand.

Baekhyun fell his heart being crumpled at the sight. He felt so stupid and so sad that he made Chanyeol feel like this. All because his own stupidity.

He quickly got up and took the board from Chanyeol’s and threw it on the couch. Chanyeol froze in his spot, but Baekhyun just took his face on his hands and started kissing him senseless.

“I’m sorry, Chanyeol” he kissed his lips, his nose, his cheek. “I love you, I’ll always love you”

Chanyeol took a step back and raised one single hand to sign.

 _I love you_.

Baekhyun smiled big and signed it back.

_I wanted to be able to say it. I wanted you to hear it._

But Baekhyun didn’t care if he never heard it again. He only cared that he knew. And that Chanyeol still loved him and that’s all he need it.

-

Another six months of Chanyeol not being able to talk passes. They were disappointed, sure, but both of the boys gradually accepted the fact that it was highly unlikely that Chanyeol would be able to speak again. After deciding that they had been through so much stress and chaos, Chanyeol and Baekhyun decided to finally take the vacation the so badly needed. 

Now, the night before their flight, Baekhyun was in a car with Sehun, being driven to an unknown destination. The younger looked so smug as he remained quiet while Baekhyun kept asking where they were going.

When they finally arrived to the place, Baekhyun realized they were near the Seokchon lake, but couldn’t place exactly where. It was an open field, with just a few sakura trees on the horizon and he could hear the faint sound of someone singing. There was a path made of pink petals and candles and Baekhyun shot Sehun a strange look, but the other just rolled his eyes as he kept pushing him to walk forward.

As they walked, more of the scene started taking place. There was a big kiosko and the end of the path and a table with two chairs, everything illuminated by fairy lights around.

Once he reached his destination, he found Jongdae and Kyungsoo on the kiosco, both singing softly an old ballad, Sehun left him and went to stand beside them.

And right there was _him_.

Chanyeol.

With his big beautiful smile and his lips that made no sound.

“What is this?” he asked once he got to him.

chanyeol looked nervous, but kept smiling. Slowly he got onto one knee and Baekhyun thought he was going to faint. 

Completely lost for words, he watched as Chanyeol took from his blazer a little black velvet box. Lifting it up, he opened to reveal a beautiful ring on it.

He didn’t say anything, he didn’t have to. He just looked straight into Baekhyun’s eyes and the older jump to him, tackling him to the ground.

“Yes, yes, yes” he said, kissing him messily. “Yes a million times”

Then he felt Chanyeol’s lips on his ear and hear it; a whisper with a voice that was barely there.

“I love you”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Chanyeol was trying to say "saranghae" that night he strained his throat.


End file.
